In a recent New York Times essay, Alexandra D’Amour, writer and founder of storytelling website On Our Moon, explores how mothers’ insecurities fuel their daughters’ self-loathing and expresses fear about the disdain of aging that’s being conveyed to gen Zers.
Referring to members of gen Z, she says, “They are growing up in a culture of social media that promotes the endless pursuit of maintaining youth — and at home, some of them are watching their mothers reject aging with every injectable and serum they can find. Jessica DeFino, a beauty writer, recently coined the term Serum Mom to describe a mother who is ‘obsessed with meeting a certain standard of beauty and nurtures the same obsession in her children.'”
For the latest edition of Beauty Independent’s ongoing series posing questions related to indie beauty, we delve into the role the beauty industry has played in perpetuating the culture promoting the “endless pursuit of maintaining youth.” We asked 15 brand founders and executives the following questions: Does the idea of toxic beauty standards passed down from one generation to the next resonate with you? What culpability do beauty brands have for this dynamic today, and what should they be doing about it?
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Adeline Koh Founder, Sabbatical Beauty Yes, generational trauma in relation to conforming to idealized standards of beauty to be seen and validated is very real. And, yes, the beauty industry has much to do with it because its central marketing proposition has always been, you are not good enough as you are to be seen, you need to buy X product to be “enough.”
It goes beyond the beauty industry, it’s societal. Idealized beauty standards have been ubiquitous since print capitalism began, the digital age has just accelerated this. The beauty industry has simply doubled down on socially created anxieties in order to generate revenue.
How we try to address this at Sabbatical Beauty is to:
- Make diversity in beauty central to brand representation, not an afterthought. We give the least amount of space to folks who embody conventional idealized beauty because that representation is already everywhere. Our goal is to represent more varied types of body size, skin age, skin color and skin texture as beautiful.
- Our central marketing premise is: Our products help you to grow more comfortable and love the skin you’re in, not change the skin you’re in. We want to promote self-acceptance and love while treating very real skin issues that can be painful and uncomfortable like skin barrier disruption. Our products are not here to tell you to “fix” something about your skin, but to help you fall more in love with who you already are.
- Martha Van Inwegen Founder and President, Life Elements
Beauty standards and the competition to be prettier and more perfect than others have always been around, so I don't believe that toxic beauty standards are anything new, but the speed and reach of social media is a gigantic propagator that I think encourages manufacturers to speed up the cycle of product offerings, with bigger marketing spends to sell more product.
More information is available now than when I was a teenager looking to clear my acne with Ten-O-Six, tugging at my black heads with Helena Rubenstein's Brush-On Peel-Off face mask, keeping my hair shiny and smelling good with Herbal Essence shampoo and tanning with Bain de Soleil.
My go-to for information back then was the magazine rack at the five-and-dime store and, if lucky, television commercials when we were allowed to watch TV. I bought into the advertisements that were telling me that I had to have flawless skin, shiny hair and tanned skin like the St. Tropez women in order to be beautiful. These standards were not passed down to me by my mother, but by the cosmetic companies and their advertisements.
So, as a skin care manufacturer myself, I feel it is my responsibility to stay away from unrealistic claims of unachievable overnight results, unnecessary ingredients and over-hyped advertising.
We never approach influencers or UGC creators because many don’t even care about the products. They’re just looking for the next shiny dollar. We want real people, talking about meaningful, healthy and actual results.
- Ada Polla CEO, Alchimie Forever
I am grateful to my mother who taught me to take care of myself, from what I eat (eating healthy and limiting sugars were the general rules in our house) to how I take care of my skin and my hair.
I remember as a young teenager watching her in the bathroom apply hair masques, body oils and face creams and thinking how everything smelled so nice and how beautiful she was (and still is). She always taught my sisters and me that taking care of ourselves was a way to respect ourselves, to spend time with ourselves.
As I have aged, as she has aged (I am 46), she has taught me to embrace the changes in my skin and my body, that aging is a privilege and that the alternative is nothing to look forward to.
At the same time, she still takes care of herself, uses “anti-aging” skin care and does some professional treatments—as do I. I think there is a balanced medium we should all strive for, which is looking our best, looking the age we feel.
As a skincare brand owner, I probably overanalyze our marketing verbiage to ensure we do not cross the line in terms of making our consumers feel bad about their skin or their age or themselves. We do use the term anti-aging, by which we mean aging well. Maybe we really should stop using “anti-aging”? What does that mean anyway?
I am sure as an industry there is more we can do to promote wellbeing and beauty in a more healthful way. I will continue to look at my brand, at our messaging with this in mind.
On the children’s skincare front, I do not believe babies need skincare other than anything recommended by a dermatologist. I do believe teenagers need to be taught healthy skin care habits such as daily cleansing and SPF use (plus anything recommended by a dermatologist). Anything beyond that, until the late teens, is too much, and I do blame TikTok (more than parents) for the recent retinol craze among tweens.
- Ruth-Ann Thorn Founder, N8iV Beauty
I come from a matriarchal Native American culture, while the other side of my heritage is Chinese and European. The Chinese/Asian culture places great emphasis on beauty, valuing women based on their physical appearance. This perception of beauty was passed down to me by my Asian mother and maternal grandmother, who hailed from Holland.
In Holland, a former colonial monarchy, beauty standards were only achievable by the ultra-wealthy. In contrast, the Native American side of my heritage values aging as a natural part of life, symbolized by the medicine wheel representing the different seasons of life. Becoming an elder is seen as a privilege, as elders are respected for their wisdom gained over the years.
As a modern Native American, I navigate between these two worlds, striving to balance the desire to look good with the recognition of life's impermanence and the importance of cultivating wisdom and joy.
It is crucial for beauty brands to represent diverse shapes, sizes, colors and age groups to empower individuals from all backgrounds and stages of life. Most brands often uphold young individuals, typically aged between 14 and mid-20s, as the beauty standard, often airbrushing imperfections.
By establishing unattainable beauty ideals, the beauty industry fuels a desire for unachievable perfection, leading people to chase a fantasy. It is essential for brands to showcase authentic representations of individuals free from filters and market products that enhance one's natural features rather than alter them.
- Trinny Woodall Founder, Trinny London
Beauty brands should be talking less about the physical effects and more about the emotional state of mind because beauty is an emotionally driven industry.
I believe that 18- to 20-year-old girls are influenced by their mothers, which starts from personal experiences. My daughter might laugh at my Botox, and in response I say, “I want to look in the mirror and feel full of energy,” and “Do you want a mother who feels that energy to be a great mom?”
This is the messaging I use with my daughter. I never mentioned I'm worried about my lines or I'm worried about my wrinkles. I want to feel energized and full of life. I want my daughter to always feel I have emotional relevance in her life with a bit of wisdom and that I can also relate to her.
- Erin Kleinberg Founder, Sidia and Métier Creative
Sadly, I do think that the idea of toxic beauty standards does translate from generation to generation. Our daughter sees us in our most intimate and potentially vulnerable states at home going in the shower, having days where we feel bad about ourselves, and this can transfer downward.
I definitely think that some of my body un-positivity (at times) is visible to my daughter Parker. I don't love showing my legs (or my stomach for that matter), and she has a lot of questions about this and doesn't understand it. It's tricky to explain to her that it's just not a part of myself that I feel comfortable showing, while I remain fiercely dedicated to being a champion of body positivity in general.
That said, I think that beauty standards can travel down in positive ways as well. I sat in a position where my mother and grandmother both did not get any treatments, fillers surgeries whatsoever and really showed me that they were beaming proud of that. and they love ageing gracefully. I think that inspired me in so many ways.
Parker is eight right now, and we spend so much time together in the bathroom talking about products and makeup and beauty that I think she understands that I believe in natural aging. I think that's been ingrained in her in a very deep-rooted way.
At the end of the day, corporations exist to make money. TikTok is a cash machine. I hate words like anti-aging, and I'm sick and tired of brands showing perfect skinned, size 0 models. I think younger brands like Starface and Dieux have done a killer job of helping us understand that we should look in the mirror and feel fucking awesome about ourselves.
Yes, these are capitalistic corporate companies at this point, but I think it's very evident when a founder leads with purpose and has the vision of a bigger picture in mind where capitalism can exist with humanity. Our mission with Sidia was very clear from the beginning. We do not exist here to make you have perfect flawless airbrushed skin on your body, but more importantly we're here to make you feel good.
This is why I am obsessed with the category of fragrance. Scent is a sensorial vehicle that allows you to experience a different plane of being then you live in your daily life. Brands like Sidia are here to say we're there wherever you're at in the journey, and it's certainly not perfection, but we want to create that space in your life to take time for yourself and intake a delightfully scented moment of peace while celebrating your body. We inspire you to come home to yourself.
- Sonsoles Gonzalez Founder and CEO, Better Not Younger
Undoubtfully, moms’ beauty standards are passed on from one generation to the next. I experienced it growing up. As a daughter of a tall, ultra-thin mom, I would occasionally get a dirty look as I indulged on ice cream or cake. I’ve done this to my daughters as well, even when I said I’d never do it!
But today, more and more, the influence is coming not just from mothers, but rather from the many sources of content available on social media. While the beauty industry bears some responsibility, it is fair to say that the beauty industry is going the extra mile to be more inclusive. Kids now have many beauty standards to follow in the form of color, race, size, etc.
When it comes to aging, however, inclusivity is still in its infancy. For the most part, the industry still celebrates youthfulness as the only standard of beauty, and the promise of “anti-aging” is the predominant benefit offered by many products. Much more can and should be done. Beauty should embrace the many stages of life, focus on enhancing natural features and exploiting the importance of health.
- Stephanie Lee Founder and CEO, Selfmade
The way that toxic beauty standards are internalized by our primary caregivers, whether that be our mothers or otherwise, as self-judgement is sure a type of trauma role modeled to their kids. My mother’s own insecurities about her weight, skin, image and subsequent aging are things projected on me as I came of age.
This self-judgement is something I continue to figure out how to unlearn while in therapy and conversations with friends because it limits how I wholly show up in the world and create deeper connections.
Our society and beauty brands do have a responsibility to us as human beings to examine and understand the impact of how we talk about image, particularly as this contributes to the youth mental health crisis.
The marketing tactics of comparison and worth gap exploitation are made to trigger negative feelings about oneself in order to take advantage of emotionally charged consumerism. That’s why we developed our brand and products with mental health experts to ensure everything we do is trauma informed.
- Adrienne Aaron Founder and CEO, Glazed & Glossed
In navigating the delicate balance between confidence and succumbing to societal pressures amid today's beauty obsession fueled by social media, challenges in early motherhood led me to experiment with injectables, initially providing what seemed necessary amid extreme sleep deprivation at the time.
While it temporarily served as the confidence boost I was hoping for, I ultimately decided to embrace my natural skin through skincare. While I don't believe that injectables are bad, I know there is a fine line of practicing them in a healthy way especially when today's youth are watching online. This shift towards self-love through skincare not only healed my inner and outer beauty, but also serves as a positive model for my son.
Although I don't have a daughter, I aim to instill in him the importance of self-love and healthy habits. I don't see anything wrong with practicing self-care or using serums and beauty products to feel confident so long as the messaging surrounding them is positive.
In this beauty landscape, beauty brands play a significant role in perpetuating unrealistic standards and contributing to toxic beauty culture through influential social media marketing. To address this, they should prioritize promoting diversity, embracing various forms of beauty and advocating for authenticity. Shifting away from an exclusive focus on youth and perfection can foster a healthier beauty culture.
Additionally, transparency about the impact of beauty procedures and products empowers consumers. Personally, I would love to see the industry embrace the pro-aging trend and normalize real faces. This shift not only redefines beauty standards but also contributes to a more inclusive and positive environment, celebrating the beauty of aging and empowering individuals of all ages.
- Tiffini Gatlin Founder, Latched & Hooked
While I didn't feel pressured about beauty standards at home, I noticed that there were expectations about appearance and beauty at school. The pressure I felt from school to wear my hair a certain way reflects societal pressure rather than internal pressure.
These expectations came from broader societal norms, the influence of my peers and cultural ideas about what is considered beautiful. This shows that toxic beauty standards can affect how we feel and act, even outside of our homes.
Beauty brands can invest in education initiatives and resources that empower consumers to embrace their unique beauty and develop healthy self-esteem. This can include workshops, tutorials and campaigns that promote self-love, body positivity and mental well-being.
- Kate Assaraf Founder and CEO, Dip
Toxic beauty standards have always been passed down (my unmet desire to ever get Victoria's Secret Angel thin has been a shared source of unhappiness for so many in my generation), but I'd like to make the argument that positive beauty attitudes are also passed down.
I learned so much of my beauty routine from the women in my life: my mother, my stepmother and my older sister. I don't think beauty brands are expected or even able to replace what we learn generationally from the actual people around us who act as our grounding rods that bring beauty standards back to earth.
If I look around, I couldn't identify a single serum mom that I know in real life. Online, they seem to be everywhere. That's saying something about the divide between what actually culturally exists versus what exists via our algorithm.
I think beauty brands should opt out of curating their UGC to support the "Instagram face," which to me is the modern aspirational version of a VS Angel.
- Maryam Zamani Founder, Oculoplastic Surgeon and Facial Aesthetics Doctor, MZ Skin
There is absolute truth that the next generation learn from their parents and environment. If a mother is insecure, and it is made obvious to her children or even hinted in subtle undertones, it can indeed cause the children to be more critical of themselves or mirror their mother’s (or father’s) behavior or worries.
Social media is now also an enormous new factor in fueling insecurity because we are constantly seeing perfect versions of people that have been airbrushed, filtered or simply made up, and that can be deeply harmful to those that see the images, fostering insecurities and that fuels depression, anxiety and a number of disorders.
I believe in beautiful, healthy, radiant skin as the foundation for beauty. Less is more in my office with tweakments focusing on subtle yet dramatic results. The goal is to look and feel your best at every age and that encompasses a lifestyle where self-care is paramount.
Skincare, nutrition, meditation and exercise are all important elements that need to be translated into beauty brands. My three-step philosophy of MZ Skin is to reveal, enhance and protect the skin, focusing on revealing the skin you’re in, creating subtle, beautiful, and ultra-precise changes for fabulous skin.
As a surgeon specializing in aesthetic procedures or tweakments, I have the unique ability to cultivate self-confidence and esteem for people to live their best lives and fulfil their dreams. Beauty comes in so many different forms, and being different is what makes each of us special.
We need to celebrate our skin at every age and focus on pro-aging and living our best and fullest lives with every decade. Celebrating differences, being realistic with our communities and what can and cannot be achieved and educating our audience is critical for the well-being and health of future generations.
- Laura Geller Founder, Laura Geller Beauty
Yes, toxic beauty standards affect individuals of all ages, including mature women (my people!) who often feel the pressure to adhere to youthful beauty standards put on a pedestal for generations. These standards are perpetuated by society and amplified through social media.
Beauty brands should be true to who they are and communicate messaging that really represents their brand ethos. We at Laura Geller Beauty are a mid-life beauty brand, and we speak to our core customer in a way that ensures they feel comfortable with who they are at the very age they are.
We also do this through our dedication to representation. I am proud to say that since 2021 we have exclusively featured women 40-plus on our website, social media and marketing initiatives.
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Beauty standards are being passed down from generation to generation. We can’t expect the mum to be at her dermatologist for “tweakments” on a regular basis and expect the daughter to be disinterested in beauty.
The younger generation is very much influenced by their favorite TikTokers and decides at 14 to buy a retinol serum they have seen. When you are bombarded by beauty on social media coupled with what you see at home, it can lead to some extreme beauty behaviors of young girls at an early age.
- Alec Batis Co-Founder and CEO, Sweet Chemistry
We as the “beauty” industry and as beauty “experts” have a responsibility to lead the charge in how people view themselves in regards to the term “beauty.” So far, we have been followers of what others say are “trending” in beauty, but we should be leaders. because how one sees themselves in this world dictates how much meaning they will get from life, which means it’s critically important and not to be taken lightly. We aren’t to blame as “beauty experts” for gen Z’s fear of aging, but we have missed generations of chances to change that and help people find true self-worth.
Growing up, I loved both the sciences and the arts and just learning in general, and as long as I was clean, physical beauty wasn’t a huge deal for me. I was considered the nerd of the school and treated so badly that 30 years later I had people contacting me to apologize, which brought everything back, especially the fear walking to and from school.
At one point, I decided I needed to change myself drastically and also a family friend introduced me to Ford Models’ kids division, and my goal of “transforming” myself was met. That day, my teenage mind led me to believe that what matters most in life is how you look.
I’ve also learned that my family generational history played the largest role. My grandmother was sold as a bride and brought to Canada from Japan. When my mom was a young girl, she was taught the only value of a woman was her beauty and once that was lost, a man is justified to be unsatisfied, wander, and leave, which of course happened.
She explained lovingly that people say it’s what’s on the “inside” that counts, but the truth was that, without youth and beauty, love will leave. I got my chemistry degree in 1990 and entered the beauty industry because of these misguided beliefs and spent many years in R&D and marketing pushing the perfection agenda (L’Oréal/Kiehl’s/Victoria’s Secret Beauty/Shiseido/NARS/etc.), but, on the inside, I continued to be extremely insecure and was on a very destructive personal path that came very close to killing me.
At the same time, I worked very hard in cognitive therapy where I’ve learned to internalize an appreciation and acceptance of myself and create relationships in my life that are meaningful and more “beauty-full” than I’ve ever known. And, now, I see beauty through the right-sized lens, not as something that defines a person’s worth.
Whatever influence we may have, we are responsible to use it in a way that evolves how people view the idea of beauty and market other forms of beauty that can be admired and enjoyed. Currently, I see beauty as one note like the sugary juice of the fruit, and just like sugar, too much of it will cause disease, but, if you can ingest the whole fruit, including the fiber, the benefits are tremendous. By fiber, I mean the things that give meaning and bring people together—an important aspect of beauty—and the other meaning behind the name “Sweet Chemistry.”
For example, two of the organizations we support with 1% of sales are YoungArts and iResearch, one supports and nurtures talented young people who want to pursue a life in the transformative arts or sciences, but who might not have the funds or encouragement: the nerds, the weirdos, the misfits. These youth are going to help evolve the world for the better, which is beautiful.
We are encountering pushback in our efforts to make change from inside our industry. We are finishing due diligence with seed funding, but the legal team is telling me it will be hard for us to get investors or be taken seriously as a business leader if we follow through with our “1% of sales” commitment, and that at the very least we should say “1% of proceeds,” so that we can play with the numbers, of course.
For now, I’ll be giving from my own pocket in the name of Sweet Chemistry. We are learning that if you want to change how new generations see themselves, but need investment, it’s not supported by the system. That too needs to change. I believe we can do it, and after 34 years in the business, I would love that to be my legacy.
If you have a question you’d like Beauty Independent to ask beauty entrepreneurs and executives, please send it to editor@beautyindependent.com.
